Avoidance!

Anyone that knows me thinks I'm pretty happy-go-lucky, just another busy mom.  Those that truly know me; which is just a few people, realize I use avoidance to cope and get through everyday things.  

Case in point, today I was supposed to go to therapy.  Yes, I'm in therapy for the events I have yet to share on this blog.  I didn't go, didn't call, just didn't show up.  My therapist has me tackling things, I just don't feel ready to address.  Is that avoidance or knowing what I'm able to do right now?  She's the professional, right?   I know myself, right?  I have been diagnosed with severe post traumatic stress disorder PTSD.  Apparently, avoidance is one of the main coping mechanisms.  Right now it is just so much easier to tackle raising my kids, being a wife and doing the next right thing I can do.  It hurts immensely, I want to work on things and I want the peace in my heart and soul that I know is out there for me.  Right now I'm doing the best I can to just be.  I want to pretend my life is only what it is now, not the things that have destroyed my past.  

I have another appointment on Monday.  I am putting it out there that I will do everything in my power to make it!  I'll let you know if I do :)

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